04. The People Who Make Room For Us

I think some of the most important people in our lives are the ones who know when not to tell us what to do.

That sounds simple. It isn’t. Most people have an opinion. What you should do next. What would make the most sense. What is practical. What is safe. What they would do if they were you.

Sometimes that advice is useful. Sometimes it is given with love. But there is another kind of support that I think is quieter.

Someone who gives you room. Room to change your mind. Room to try something before you know whether it will work. Room to make a decision that doesn’t make complete sense to anyone else yet. Room to figure yourself out without feeling like you owe anyone an immediate explanation. I think we underestimate how rare that is.

There is something vulnerable about trying something when you don’t know how it is going to end. It is much easier to talk about a decision once it has worked out. Once there is something to point to. Once you can say, see, this is why I did it.

The middle is harder. The part where you are still figuring it out. The part where you cannot promise anyone that it is going to work. The part where you are asking for patience without even knowing how long you need it.

I have started to notice the people who make that part feel less frightening.

The people who don’t need an answer from you right away. Who don’t make you feel irresponsible for wanting to try. Who don’t confuse loving you with directing you. Sometimes support is encouragement. Sometimes it is advice. And sometimes it is someone quietly saying, in one way or another: Try it. See what happens.

I think Victor has given me that kind of space more times than I probably realized at the time.

Not by telling me that everything I try is guaranteed to work. Not by pretending there are no risks. Just by never making me feel foolish for wanting to find out for myself. There is something incredibly freeing about being loved that way. To know that someone can believe in you without needing to control the outcome. To know that you are allowed to change. To start over. To take a different route. To become interested in something you never expected to care about. And to know that none of those things make you less recognizable to the people who really know you.

Maybe that is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. Not certainty. Not constant reassurance. Space.

Enough space for someone to hear their own thoughts. Enough space to make a choice. Enough space to become whoever they are becoming. Because some of the most important people in our lives are not the ones who tell us which direction to go.

They are the ones who make us feel safe enough to choose one.

There’s more to tell.

— Stefania